five stages of being blizzarded in with your lovely family

denial–“Hey, hon. Newspaper says all weather models agree that we’re getting eleventy million inches of snow starting tomorrow with a possible sprinkle of locusts. You don’t think they’ll close school, right? I mean, those guys are wrong ALL the time!”

anger–“Oh my GAWD, if you make your three year old brother scream ONE more time you will lose all screen time until college. It’s not even 9am yet! It’s too early for mommy’s ears to bleed.

bargaining–“Listen. If you guys can keep the decibel level less than 90 and get along with each other, and not smear the baby with peanut butter [I don’t care whether he likes it, not relevant] for ten consecutive minutes I will give you guys EACH 10 dollars! maybe 20 dollars! ..and a car! even the 3 year old! Please?!

depression–“…sure, you can send your kids over. sure, even the one hopped up on sour patch kids and mountain dew. at this point, what’s another kid or two? if you need me I’ll be in the bedroom with the door shut and locked, sucking down some Maury reruns.”

acceptance–“hey! we made it! the whole day! no one died! GoooooOOOO us!!! [no way school will be closed again tomorrow, right? ohmahgaaaad]”

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